Let the Butterflies live!

“He who talks more is sooner exhausted.” -Lao Tzu

I was looking for a quote when I came across this one by the founder of Taoism.  I haven’t the faintest idea why he said this, what he was thinking about, but it brought to my mind a recent event I witnessed: the death of a few butterflies.

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” -Sex and the City

In dating (not the hooking up kind), is great conversation a must?  Yes.  But you don’t want all the great conversation to happen all at once or to all be one sided!  I can’t think of any relationships in my experience that turned out to be more boring, shorter lived, or more disappointing than those with men who shared everything about themselves immediately or who didn’t know the power of asking questions and listening to the answers.  I don’t want to be the audience to a one sided conversation.  I want to feel like what I have to say is as important to you as what you have to say.  I want to feel like my mind is as attractive to you as my body.  I want to know what you’re passionate about but I want you to want to know what I’m passionate about too.  Knowing all this is as good as knowing that you are passionate about me.

“You can not simply have me. You must pursue me.” -John Edlridge

Furthermore, I don’t understand why so many people are so willing to “put it all out there” without any assurance of true safety or commitment, especially women.  I know how quickly a woman’s mind can go from zero to “Mrs. Dulcinea Zofland is catchy!”  (Sorry guys!  No matter what the women in your world say, they really do go down the Mrs. path mentally really frighteningly quickly.  If she says she doesn’t or hasn’t, she’s lying.  We’re anthropologically predisposed to sorting and considering possible mates; you’re predisposed to being aroused by boobs, butts, legs, smiles, and long, wavy hair you may have the opportunity to mate with.  It’s science.)  When it come’s to intimacy, why would I want to share the deepest hurts and fears I have, my passions, my favorite stories, my hopes and dreams, my disappointments, my neurotendencies with someone who is going to be gone in a flash?  So I can feel really close to them really quickly and really broken when they leave?  If I’m going to share those deep parts of my heart and soul with someone, I want to know he’s going to be there and I want to know he wants to know those deep parts.  He’s got to prove to me that he’s interested in that intimacy and pursue it.

Divulging intimate stories, tidbits, quirks, loves and hates, and beliefs can make you feel very close to someone very fast and that initial closeness is a definite source of a few butterflies.  But true intimacy, true love, come with time and do not diminish.  And when it’s truly safe, and truly secure, and one is truly assured of safety and sincere desire, the butterflies don’t go away; they multiply.

© Dulcinea 2009. All rights reserved.

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