A Collage of Feelings

Whenever one relationship ends, there exists a time where feelings seem to be so strong that there isn’t a way to find the end of one and the beginning of another. But as time passes and healing takes place, all the thoughts and feelings become painfully clear.  Sometimes this time is like a roller coaster of emotion as all that was buried rises to the surface, scattered and long after the wounds were made, like bubbles in the middle of the ocean after an eruption on the ocean floor.  Happily, once surfaced, they are acknowledged and dismissed and freedom exists once more, like the day a cast is finally removed.  This is a chronicle of just such a time.  Although deeply personal, I am sharing these because I never want to forget what it is to be alive.  The words escaped as the last bits of emotional connection were expelled and total freedom was mine once more.  Despite the sometimes darkness associated with the words, the time to reflect upon and acknowledge the pain was freeing and peace bringing.

Sunshine soaking into my weary soul reminding me of happy days past and whispering secrets of the joys yet to come.
© Dulcinea April 3, 2010. All rights reserved.

As a silkworm measures it’s way across my ivory stomach, I soak up waning sunlight transfixed in a single moment.
© Dulcinea April 4, 2010. All rights reserved.

Missing the other,
The one that made me peaceful,
And who captured me.
© Dulcinea April 4, 2010. All rights reserved.

Long toned legs stretching out in front of me tired from today’s fun and ready to go cut a rug tomorrow night on the town.
© Dulcinea April 5, 2010. All rights reserved.

Watching the sun settle in the west, beams leaking through the bamboo shade as the frogs begin to croak and the ducks settle for night.
© Dulcinea April 5, 2010. All rights reserved.

Hooray for sunshine,
And the kind of rest it brings,
Clarity and peace.
© Dulcinea April 5, 2010. All rights reserved.

I am reminded
Of disappointments
Of broken promises
Of being second.
I am reminded
Of being ignored
Of unkind words
Of being forgotten.
I am reminded
Of brokenness
Of tears
Of being alone.
I am also reminded
Of hope
Of dreams
Of a desire not to settle for less than butterflies.
I am reminded.
© Dulcinea April 6, 2010. All rights reserved.

I’m stuck in that frustrating purgatory consisting of desires, reality, and the inequalities therein.
© Dulcinea April 7, 2010. All rights reserved.

Thursdays never seem to end up the way you want. They’re deceptive that way since the sun went down in my world and the silent night began, that cold dark indigo. At this point, I’d rather just let the day fade into oblivion.
© Dulcinea April 8, 2010. All rights reserved.

I sit alone
Considering
What has become of something so grand
Something so peaceful
When the world that was
Is turned upside down
By three little words
“This really sucks.”
© Dulcinea April 10, 2010. All rights reserved.

I am glad to be going back to the busy distraction of work instead of soaking in the aloneness of the end.
© Dulcinea April 11, 2010. All rights reserved.

I am free
To sing
To dance
To choose
I am free
Of fear
Of disappointment
Of anger
I am free
And happy once again
© Dulcinea April 12, 2010. All rights reserved.

The truth about the happy ending…

The Storm began
Blowing away the calm
Forcing all signs of Life into hiding
Hiding what stars would otherwise shine in the darkness
One thunderous blow after another
As wave upon wave of storm
Crash down upon me
I’m stuck
Stranded
Waiting it out is the only option
And waiting for signs of Life to return
For the calm to return
The Storm to end
For the moment when the clouds break
When the stars return
For a short time
Before
The light comes again
And ends the night
The long, stormy night

Then the day will begin
Bright
New
And full of hope.
© Dulcinea April 8, 2010. All rights reserved.

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