Trembling Heart

What is the measure of truth,
Of the reality of two?
Is it a word?
A calming action?
A look or a touch?

How can I know that my heart is safe?
You tell of deep desires for commitment
And in the same breath speak of adventures far away
To be undergone alone
And brokenness that may be yet unhealed

With a look or a touch
A quiet conversation
My fears are calmed
But then another word
Or silence
Brings them back to the surface again

Can you show me your heart?
Are you able to prove your pure intentions?
Have seeds of doubt or fear taken root too deeply?
Or can you calm my fears
And show me how to lay my heart in your hands?

I want to believe you,
To be with you and believe in you,
To be your support,
Your lover,
Your friend.
But I feel somewhere deep inside
That something isn’t lining up
And it comes at me again and again

My tender heart has fallen for you
For you smile and your caring
For insightful conversations
And for the way that you calm me
And draw me out, when you choose.

I am torn between
Doubting God,
Doubting you,
And doubting myself.

Can I trust you to keep my best interests
And my desires
In the front of your mind?
Or are yours ever placed there,
At the forefront of your attention?

When you tell me what you want
And how you feel
Is it because you just want someone to talk to
Or because you really want me to know you?

Do you want to be with me
Because I am here and available,
Just for now?
To take up time on otherwise lonely weekends?
Or are you looking to find out
If I’m what God has for you for forever?

I no longer feel pursued.
Do you want me?
Do you see who I am?
Am I unforgivably beautiful in your eyes?
Or will I ever stand a chance
To measure up to her?

Your words
And your actions
Don’t always sound the same.
The message is mixed,
The signals are crossed.

I am struggling to understand
What your meaning is
And my heart is trembling

© Dulcinea 2010. All rights reserved.


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